


don't look back

by partiallight



Category: IDOLiSH7 (Video Game)
Genre: Alcohol, M/M, Pre-Canon, compensated dating
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-29
Updated: 2021-01-29
Packaged: 2021-03-15 01:55:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,809
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29056275
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/partiallight/pseuds/partiallight
Summary: Tenn needs money he can earn without his sponsors or Kujo knowing.Fortunately, a red-haired stranger is willing to pay him a lot of money for a date.(Tenn, Riku, unspoken feelings and compensated dating.)
Relationships: Kujou Ten/Nanase Riku
Comments: 15
Kudos: 30





	don't look back

Kujo Tenn is a bird in a cage.

Everything he does is under surveillance by  _ someone _ , be it President Yaotome or Kujo, someone is watching him. Maybe not always physically, but the security guards are paid off by Kujo, and Tenn’s finances are an open book to both the agency and Kujo.

That would be okay. It would be okay, if not for that pesky part of Tenn, the part of him that wants an illusion of freedom.

The part of him that will visit a donut shop every now and then; the part of him that will go and buy Re:vale’s records. 

The part of him that will ring the Nanase family’s doorbell, leave a cake outside and disappear.

That part of him cannot live without freedom. For if Kujo or the agency find out, they would clip his wings entirely.

So he pays the security guards off better than Kujo does. After all, who can resist the modern day angel, Kujo Tenn? Tenn is willing to stain himself in sin as much as he has to in order to keep his freedom.

The truth is, Tenn’s private account is empty. He used his funds to get a phone Kujo won’t check, and now he’s broke.

(Of course, there’s a lot of money on his monitored account, but what does it matter if everyone can see it?)

He logs onto the app he wouldn’t dare have on his work phone or on his ‘private’ phone, and opens his messages.

The picture he uploaded isn’t the most attractive. It hides his identity well enough, but it also detracts most people. Finding a job like this as an idol is risky, after all.

He’s about to close the app when he gets a message.

[cute picture! wanna meet up?]

The sender doesn’t have a profile picture of themselves, even. It’s just… a donut. Tenn supposes he can’t judge.

[Let’s talk about rates, first.]

* * *

Turns out the guy is rich. Or at least stacked with money.

Tenn wonders if this means it’ll become sexual, but he can hardly refuse that sum of money, not after he’s gotten an upfront payment already.

He looks at the instructions once more. 

‘wear a pink cardigan with a white shirt under it! it’ll be cute!!’

That’s just his normal clothing style to begin with.

If Tenn wasn’t used to this, he’d let his guard down with the cutesy writing style of the person who’d booked him. But Tenn knows better, and he gets dressed, making sure to keep his glasses and hat on.

The instructions had been weird. Tenn was to come to an aquarium. That is not a common place to go for this sort of thing.

But again, there’s a lot of money involved, so Tenn doesn’t have the luxury of questioning him.

He arrives nine minutes early, making sure to look presentable.

Two minutes later, he sees someone excitedly waving at him from the other side of the street. Someone suspiciously familiar, with red hair, red eyes and a ‘disguise’ much like Tenn’s.

_ That has to be a coincidence _ , Tenn tells himself. Like that time he went to the donut shop. Definitely a coincidence.

Crossing the street, the guy almost runs.

_ Don’t run _ , a part of Tenn wants to say, but he holds himself back.

“Did you wait for a long time?”

Tenn shakes his head. “I just got here myself.”

Not even a lie, though it might sound like one.

“Have you ever been to an aquarium this big?”

Of course, he hasn’t. He was supposed to go with Riku a week or two after their thirteenth birthday, but they couldn’t because of… well, Tenn leaving.

Tenn shakes his head. “It felt wrong to go,” he answers automatically, cursing himself for his honesty.

“I understand.” The guy offers Tenn his hand. “What can I call you?”

“Whatever you want,” Tenn says, and it comes out less cryptic and more nervous.

“Tenn-nii, then.” Totally-not-Riku sounds nervous saying that.

_ Not even hiding it, huh? _

“Why?” Tenn blinks and takes his hand. “And what should I call you?”

“Uhm… you kind of look like him. You know. TRIGGER’s center, Kujo Tenn.” Riku laughs sheepishly. “You can call me Riku. Let’s have a great day, Tenn-nii!”

* * *

This can hardly be called compensated dating. It’s more like a very elaborate childhood roleplay between the two of them.

Tenn tries to ignore the warmth that spreads in his chest when Riku takes his hand and interlaces their fingers like they would as children.

Ignores the way Riku happily hums TRIGGER’s songs as they watch the fish on display.

“You know, fish are kind of cute. I originally wanted to go to a cat café, but decided against it… How do you like it here, Tenn-nii?”

Riku’s smile is as radiant as it was four years ago, but Tenn can sense a bit of sadness hidden in it. 

“I like the atmosphere. It’s like looking at the stars, but…”

“Less lonely?”

Tenn doesn’t appreciate having his thoughts read, but he nods. “That.”

“I’m glad. I chose this aquarium because it has those nice tunnels where you can see the fish above you! I always wanted to see those.”

“Oh, is that so.” Of course, Tenn knows that already. Then, he dares to ask, “Out of curiosity, Riku, how did you make enough money to afford…?”

Riku laughs sheepishly. “Cosplay is good revenue.”

_ Cosplay…? _

Tenn apparently said that out loud, because Riku blushes faintly.

“I apparently resemble someone in the idol industry a lot, so that… helped.”

Tenn doesn’t need to ask who that is. And he doesn’t dare imagine the things Riku did while looking like him.

Doesn’t dare ask what first drove Riku to that sort of occupation.

“I’m surprised you’d spend the money on a date with me, though.”

“It’s Tenn-nii! Who wouldn’t?”

Tenn is starting to believe that Riku might actually be aware of what he’s doing.

That thought worries him, so he dismisses it.

“I see.” Tenn is starting to feel comfortable with the feeling of their interlocked fingers as they reach the entrance of the tunnel.

It’s hard to keep his guard up when it’s Riku. Riku knows his weaknesses, every single one of them. Because Tenn does not change.

Tenn only knows how to lie. To Riku, to Kujo, to his parents, to himself. Anything to keep the existence of Kujo Tenn stable.

Anything.

“What about you, Tenn-nii? What made you go for this sort of job?”

“I…” Tenn struggles to make up an excuse. For some reason, the truth comes out. “I have my finances monitored and I really don’t like it.”

Riku frowns. “That sounds bad… can I help you somehow?”

“Well, aren’t you right now?” Tenn doesn’t look at him.

"Then I'm glad!" Riku’s smile returns, and they enter the tunnel. “You know, I used to be like these fish.”

“What do you mean?”

“Confined. But I had great company, so it was fine.”

“And now?”

“Now it’s more like being in the ocean alone for the first time. But I’ll be fine.”

Tenn doesn’t like this metaphor one bit, mostly because the last time he and Riku went to the beach, Riku ended up almost drowning.

Sure, things might be different now— at least Riku’s medical records suggest that— but it still bothers Tenn.

“I don’t think you’re alone right now,” Tenn finds himself muttering.

This is the job. He’s supposed to say this. These aren’t his feelings anymore, right?

...Right?

“Well, that’s true. Until tomorrow.” Riku smiles. “You’re still as nice as usual, Tenn-nii.”

“I wouldn’t know.” Tenn stops in front of a small stingray. 

For fish, they are very, very cute.

“Tenn-nii’s smile is cute,” Riku comments, squeezing Tenn’s hand.

Tenn didn’t notice he was smiling, and he immediately tries not to. With limited success.

“If I didn’t know better, I’d think I was the one paying you considering the way you act.”

“That’s just how much I’m enjoying your company, Tenn-nii. And besides, you can always try and surprise me.”

Maybe the paper-thin pretense of anonymity is improving Riku’s confidence.

“Maybe I’ll take you up on the offer.”

As they reach the end of the tunnel, a snack stall comes into sight.

And advertised at the very front…

“Donuts!” Riku seems excited. “Tenn-nii, let’s get some!”

Tenn doesn’t bother pretending to be surprised that Riku knows he likes donuts.

* * *

Tenn ended up choosing an unnecessarily fancy pinky donut with sprinkles, as he always does. 

“You seem to like it,” Riku comments as he takes a bite of his own donut.

“How would you know?” Tenn tilts his head, and the next thing he sees his Riku’s face very close to his and Riku’s lips near his and—

“Wow, Tenn-nii’s donut  _ is  _ yummy!”

That’s some shoujo manga nonsense, Tenn wants to think, and he’s sure Gaku would approve of it if he knew.

(Tenn pretends to not have anticipated a kiss there. Pretends he wasn’t curious what it’d be like.)

“I’m glad you like it, too.”

“This is the first time I see Tenn-nii blush like that.”

“We’ve only known each other for two hours,” Tenn says with the most neutral expression he can make. 

“Ehehe, I guess you’re right.” Riku looks away, clearly hurt. Then. “Do you wanna try my donut, too?”

“I do,” Tenn finds himself saying, and that’s really just his sweet tooth speaking for him.

“Alright, there you go.”

Tenn feels soft fingers and a piece of donut against his lips. 

“Open up~” Riku seems to be enjoying this. 

Tenn opens his mouth and lets Riku feed him. 

_ This is fine. This is part of the job. _

“Soft…” Riku’s face is slightly reddish now.

“The donut?”

“Your lips.”

A part of Tenn wants Riku to stop doing that, right now, so he tries, “There’s easier ways to find out how soft they are, you know.”

“You’re surprisingly honest, Tenn-nii.”

Unlike Tenn, Riku was always a good kid. Riku only liked Tenn because he depended on him. Riku probably wouldn’t look at Tenn if not for them being related.

So Riku definitely wouldn’t kiss him...

...is what Tenn made himself believe.

He’s proven wrong immediately when Riku’s lips touch his. Tenn’s thoughts are spinning; he thinks of the nature of the situation, the money involved, why Riku would possibly do this—

—before his thoughts can short-circuit any further, Riku gently nibbles at his lips.

A part of Tenn notices that Riku’s lips feel kind of rough, and he wants to remind him to take care of his body more in the winter.

That part is immediately silenced by the way Riku cups his face and leans deeper into the kiss; by the way Tenn’s body responds without him willing it to do so.

_ Maybe it’s better this way _ ,  Tenn thinks. _ Maybe it’s better if we don’t get too brotherly. _

At the same time, Tenn knows he might fall for him, hard. 

He figured he’d be over it by now, but no.

He flinches a little when Riku gently brushes his hair out of his face. 

Tenn wouldn’t say he’s touch-starved, but it is a fact that a lot of idols only ever touch people when TV requires it of them. The last time he touched someone was… during a choreography, maybe? 

The last time someone was this close to him may have been four years ago. It may have been Riku, even.

(Tenn remembers when they played out Snow White. Tenn was to play the prince, and sometimes he regrets not actually kissing Riku back then.)

When Riku breaks the kiss, clearly a little out of breath, Tenn has a hard time making eye contact.

“I’m glad. Tenn-nii’s words might no longer be honest, but at least we have this.”

“Can’t a kiss be dishonest, too?”

“Tenn-nii, you don’t seem like you kiss many people.”

Tenn wants to protest to the implication that he is an inexperienced kisser, but it’s true. After all, this was his first. He'd always avoided it so far, even while doing jobs like this one.

Riku was his first.

“If my technique bothered you, I’m sorry,” Tenn says, not feeling sorry in the slightest.

“Oh, no. I don’t know this stuff either. I’m glad I got to kiss Tenn-nii.”

“Was I your…?”

“First? No, actually.” Riku smiles sadly. “Actually, if you count our childhood, then yes—”

“What?”

“Oh, true.” Riku smiles and Tenn can see the mischief in his eyes. “I guess we’ve only known each other for a couple hours.”

“Riku.” Tenn wants to scowl, but he can’t because Riku’s smile is drawing him in.

“Tenn-nii.”

“Tell me.” 

Riku laughs. “I’ll tell you if you call me by my full name. I’ll even let you continue pretending we’re strangers afterwards.”

Tenn never asked for his full name, so he wouldn’t know it unless he admitted to knowing Riku isn’t a ‘stranger’.

The curiosity wins out. “Nanase Riku. Tell me about your first kiss.”

Riku looks like the happiest person, and Tenn’s heart melts. “Well, you see… It was when we were 12!”

“And?”

“And you fell asleep next to me in the hospital. And your face was very, very pretty.”

_ I get that a lot _ , Tenn thinks, but it doesn’t stop his heart from beating.

“And you just kissed me?”

“Yup.”

“Why were you awake, anyway?”

“I couldn’t sleep, had a nightmare of you going away. I slept better after that good luck charm, though.”

“So this was a good luck charm to you, too?” Tenn blinks, looking for a good justification for the kiss.

A world in which Nanase Riku returns his feelings is unrealistic to him. Misguided brotherly affection, clouded by the way he depended on Tenn as a child. That’s all it could possibly be.

“If you want it to be, Tenn-nii.” Riku grasps his hand.

“I do.”

“Well, let’s explore the rest of the aquarium then!”

* * *

Tenn can’t say he didn’t enjoy his time pretending things were fine with Riku.

He even got a photo out of it. Sure, they’re both in there with hats and glasses and whatnot, but it’s a photo nonetheless. 

Tenn puts it in the folder where his childhood pictures are.

“Riku…”

“Yes?” Riku seems joyful enough as they enter public transport.

Tenn doesn’t need to ask where they’re going. He already knows. “Nothing. Just lost in thought.”

“About me? I’m happy!”

_ Fuck _ . Right in the heart.

Tenn manages to make eye contact with Riku. “Am I gonna have to meet… them?”

“I wouldn’t make you do that,” Riku shakes his head. “They’re out right now, I used my last paycheck to give them a bit of a vacation.”

“Then they still haven’t recovered…?” Tenn asks before his restraint can prevent him from doing so.

“It’s been okay. Kujo has been sending them payments, I’ve been told. I don’t know why though. Maybe as an apology for stealing Tenn-nii?” This is the first time Tenn sees Riku in such a bitter state.

“He didn’t—”

“Let’s not talk about that.”

Perhaps it’s better that way.

* * *

Tenn’s childhood home is exactly the way he remembers it, just with way more photos than before.

If he could, he’d scan them all and take them, because Riku is in every single one of them, too.

He puts his hat and his fake glasses on a place where he’ll be able to grab them easily later. There’s no point in pretending. Riku knows who he is, Tenn knows who he is.

But then why did Riku also come with a disguise?

“Riku. Why did you wear those things?”

Riku tilts his head as he takes off the glasses. “Oh, these? It’s just that… you’re famous, you know? I didn’t want to trouble you, so I figured I should stay anonymous, too.”

“So you knew from the start that it’s me.”

“Of course! I would recognize Tenn-nii anywhere. Anyway… What do you want to drink, Tenn-nii? We have water, tea, soda… and I guess we could try the alcohol that’s been collecting dust.”

“Riku, we’re minors.”

“You’re in showbiz, right? I’m sure you’ve had alcohol already!”

Riku isn’t wrong. Tenn had alcohol at Kujo’s networking parties before. 

“My tolerance isn’t great. Besides, why do you want to do that?”

“The adults keep saying that alcohol is a good icebreaker.” Riku blinks innocently.  _ Oh no _ .

Tenn sighs and helps himself to two glasses and a bottle of the least alcoholic thing he can find in their parents’ alcohol shelf. 

It feels weird. He feels like an intruder. He waits near the couch, nervous to sit down.

“Tenn-nii, it’s your home, too. You should sit down.”

Tenn nods, and it feels like a weight is dropping off his shoulder. Maybe he does need an icebreaker.

“Wait, Riku, does your medicine work out with—”

“It does, don’t worry.” 

If Riku knows that, that means he knew beforehand how the day would go.

“What’s… that room like?” Tenn takes a sip. 

_ Bitter _ .

“Your room?” Riku generously pours strawberry juice on top of his alcohol. Tenn proceeds to do the same, even if it’ll cloud his perception of how much alcohol he has actually had.

“That.”

“We left it the way it was. Mom cleans it every now and then. I actually wore your clothes until I grew out of them…”

“Why?”

“They reminded me of you.” Riku happily takes a sip from his drink. “This stuff makes my throat feel warm… It’s nice.”

“Don’t overdo it,” Tenn warns, and he gets Riku pouting instead.

Riku has effortlessly broken any barriers Tenn had built. If they had met in any other way— at a concert, or just passing by each other— it would have been fine. But this job… this was the one way Tenn would eventually let down his guard.

He’s sure Riku must have known that.

“I’ll show you my room later,” Riku mumbles into his glass. “It has… posters and stuff.”

“Of TRIGGER?”

“Of Tenn-nii.”

Tenn is not sure if he really wants to see that, so he chooses to direct the conversation in a different direction. “How is school going?”

“I finished recently! With good marks, too.” Riku seems excited.

Tenn wants to ask him what he’ll do next, but at the same time it feels intrusive, so he just nods. “That’s good.”

“Hey, Tenn-nii. Isn’t it kind of… warm in here?”

“That’s the alcohol speaking.” Tenn empties his glass.

Of course, Riku follows suit. “Want a refill?”

“Your face is all red. Don’t make it worse.”

“Do you dislike it?” Riku is awfully close to him now.

“I… I don’t. But wouldn’t you prefer to remember what you do?” Riku faintly smells of the alcohol, but mostly Tenn just notices the remains of the juice on his lips.

_ Don’t focus on that. _

“Mhm… I do wanna remember! After all, I might not get to meet you again after this.”

That hurt.

Tenn gets up abruptly. “Maybe we should go to your room right now after all.”

“Sorry if I said something bad…” Riku looks genuinely sad.

Tenn shakes his head and takes Riku’s hand. 

Bad decisions were made, but that is his life as a whole.

* * *

Riku wasn’t kidding when he said that he had Tenn merchandise.

There’s a poster right above his bed, several rare plushies lying on the bed, and something Tenn quickly identifies as a TRIGGER CD collection.

“Are you a fan?”

A dumb question, and yet Tenn is surprised when Riku shakes his head.

“Yes and no. Not a fan of TRIGGER. But I’ve always been  _ your  _ biggest fan.”

“Eh, why not? Gaku and Ryuu are—”

“I would be a fan, but I’m envious they get to see you every day.”

Something feels wrong.

It’s not guilt, exactly. It’s worse than that. Maybe Tenn feels envious for not being able to grow up normally. Maybe it’s that he didn’t want to hear Riku say the truth—

Tenn’s instinct to self-sabotage kicks back in. “That is to be expected. We don’t really have a connection, after all, you and me.”

Riku bites his lip. “Because we’re strangers who just met today?”

“Because we’re strangers who just met today.” Tenn sits down on Riku’s bed.

Tenn can see Riku’s entire body trembling. 

“Then, because we’re strangers who just met today…” Riku pushes Tenn down, almost too gently. “This won’t faze you either, right, Tenn-nii?”

It does faze him.

Riku wouldn’t feel that way towards him, Tenn knows. After all, any misplaced romantic feelings were always from Tenn’s side.

Tenn feels Riku’s hand gently tracing over his face. He does not answer, instead he forces himself to look into Riku’s teary eyes.

“Then, as a stranger who you just met today, let me tell you that I’ve always loved you.” Riku’s breathing sounds more erratic now, and even in this situation Tenn finds himself wondering if there is an inhaler in this room.

“Nonsense,” Tenn finds himself whispering. “Those are the misguided words of an admirer.”

“I love the bad of Tenn-nii, too. I hate that you left,” Riku leans over him, one hand on Tenn’s wrist. “I hate that you chose _him_ over us. But at the same time, I love that you got to do something you truly enjoy.”

Tenn feels the weight of the words Riku leaves unsaid, the implication that Riku perceives himself as an obstacle to Tenn’s happiness.

Tenn wants to clarify the situation, but again, Tenn rarely does what he wants. “I don’t regret what I did.”

“In that case, I won’t regret this, either.” Riku’s lips make contact with Tenn’s again, and this time Tenn tastes salt. He tastes Riku’s tears on his lips, the remains of the alcohol and the hint of strawberry. Tenn doesn’t struggle, allowing Riku to hold his free hand; allowing Riku to go further. 

Riku, however, breaks the kiss.

“Do you really not regret it?” Tenn’s voice is barely audible against Riku’s lips.

“I don’t.” Riku plants a kiss on Tenn’s neck, and Tenn bites his lip in an attempt to stay quiet. “I set up this meeting knowing it might come to this, you know?”

“Come to what?”

“Tenn-nii rejecting me as a brother.”

“What if I rejected you as a lover, too?”

“Then at least I would have tried.”

Tenn has no reason to reject Riku as a lover, not tonight. Not when alcohol and hormones are clouding his mind and giving him excuses.

Maybe tonight it’s okay to fall prey to his own desires.

“Well, try then, Riku. Make me forget about my little brother who couldn’t run.” Tenn ignores the way Riku’s expression looks more pained than before, the way Riku’s tears hit his face.

“Make me forget about my older brother who left me.”

Tenn pulls Riku into another kiss, hoping it will hide his tears.


End file.
